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Kerry says drug habit, bad marriage and money woes left her wanting to die

Kerry says drug habit, bad marriage and money woes left her wanting to die
KERRY Katona has revealed how her cocaine addiction, an abusive marriage and the loss of her £250,000 Iceland deal made her want to end her own life.

Kerry says drug habit, bad marriage and money woes left her wanting to die

The former Atomic Kitten star was so low after a string of horrendous setbacks that she would binge on drugs, hoping she wouldn’t wake up.

Kerry Katona has opened up about how living through a bad marriage, severe money troubles and her cocaine problem led to her wanting to die

Kerry Katona has opened up about how living through a bad marriage, severe money troubles and her cocaine problem led to her wanting to die
Kerry was first exposed to a suicidal attempt at the age of three, when her mum slit her wrists in front of her.

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When she was eight months pregnant with Kerry, Sue had tried to slit her throat, and carried out countless other attempts on her life up until Kerry was 17.

The 37-year-old star now admits, she has had her daughters’ names tattooed on her own wrists, to stop her following in her mum’s footsteps.

Kerry is speaking out in support of The Sun’s You’re Not Alone campaign, which aims to raise awareness and help save lives by preventing suicide.

Opening up on World Suicide Prevention Day, the mum-of-five, said: “I felt really suicidal when I was married to my second husband, Mark.

“I was snorting cocaine like it was going out of fashion. I felt so isolated. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I almost gave in.”

Kerry has had the names of her children tattooed on her wrists to stop her attempting suicide

Kerry has had the names of her children tattooed on her wrists to stop her attempting suicide

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The Sun’s You’re Not Alone campaign aims to help prevent deaths from suicide
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost – to suicide.

It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.

It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes. And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.

Yet, it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.

That is why The Sun today launches the You’re Not Alone campaign. To remind anyone facing a tough time, grappling with mental illness or feeling like there’s nowhere left to turn, that there is hope.

To mark World Suicide Prevention Day, over the course of this week, we will tell you the stories of brave survivors, relatives left behind, heroic Good Samaritans – and share tips from mental health experts.

The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.

Let’s all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others.

You’re Not Alone.

Kerry is the first of a host of celebrities who have joined forces with The Sun to send the message, You’re Not Alone.

Over the course of this week, we will tell the stories of brave survivors of suicide, the harrowing accounts of those relatives left behind, while sharing expert advice on the warning signs to be alert to in your loved ones.

Suicide can touch anyone, from any walk of life. The aim of our campaign is that by helping to break down the taboos around mental health, we can all play our part in preventing deaths from suicide.

‘I felt so alone, I didn’t want to be here anymore’
Kerry lost her lucrative £250,000 Iceland advertising deal after she was filmed taking cocaine

Kerry lost her lucrative £250,000 Iceland advertising deal after she was filmed taking cocaine
Kerry said back in 2009, Mark was cheating on her and videos of him and girls in nightclubs were appearing online.

At the same time, a film emerged of her snorting cocaine in a bathroom, which led to the loss of her Iceland contract.

I felt really suicidal…I felt so isolated. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I almost gave in

Kerry, on her darkest days

“I was like ‘Oh my god I want to die’,” she told The Sun.

The pressure she was under at the time left her feeling “alone” and “worthless”.

“I was being slated, being called a bad mum. I felt so isolated. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I almost gave in.”

‘I’d take so much, I’d be frothing at the mouth’
The reality star revealed that her troubled marriage to Mark Croft , drug habit and mental health problems left her feeling suicidal

Eamonn and James Clarke

The reality star revealed that her troubled marriage to Mark Croft , drug habit and mental health problems left her feeling suicidal
Kerry freely admits that she lost herself to drugs during the marriage and would end up so out of it she would suffer violent fits, and end up blacking out.

Kerry says drug habit, bad marriage and money woes left her wanting to die

At her lowest points, she hoped she wouldn’t wake up.

“I took so much coke with Mark and I had hoped he’d try to stop me, and go, ‘I love you too much to see you do this’, but he never did,” the star admitted.

“I would take so much that I’d have a fit and start frothing at the mouth and I really hoped I wouldn’t wake up. But I always did. I had a guardian angel, thank God!”
‘She slit her throat when she was pregnant with me’
Kerry appeared on This Morning in 2008 slurring her speech and behaving strangely. At the time, she blamed the symptoms on sleep medication and denied she’d been drinking

Kerry appeared on This Morning in 2008 slurring her speech and behaving strangely. At the time, she blamed the symptoms on sleep medication and denied she’d been drinking
Kerry’s mum Sue battled mental health problems, attempting to take her own life on countless occasions

Rex Features

Kerry’s mum Sue battled mental health problems, attempting to take her own life on countless occasions
Kerry’s issues with mental health stem from her childhood, during which she had witnessed her drug-addict mother attempt suicide several times in front of her.

“She slit her own throat when she was eight months pregnant with me,” she recalled.

Kerry was just three the first time she saw her mum slit her wrists. She did it regularly until Kerry was 17.

“I have always been the mum in our relationship,” she said.

Kerry recalled one time when she got so numb to her mum’s cries for her help, she actually encouraged her to carry out her threat of suicide because it had become so routine.

READ ALSO: Jose Mourinho Falls At Wembley As England Loses To Spain (Photos)

‘Mum’s boyfriend told us he wanted to chop us up – I had to pull a knife out of my leg’
Kerry, who had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 25, freely admits that she lost herself to drugs

Kerry, who had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 25, freely admits that she lost herself to drugs
Kerry Katona’s amazing transformation from kitten to Body builder

During Kerry’s GCSEs her mum’s boyfriend was run over and killed.

“He was the reason I had been put in a foster home, after he stabbed my mum he told us he was Freddy Krueger, and wanted to chop us up,” Kerry said.

“I even had to pull a knife out of my leg.”

The star said she and her sister were sent to a foster home, after her mum chose her boyfriend over them, breaking Kerry’s heart.

“When he died, my mum wanted to kill herself, so I made her take all the tablets.

“I said ‘do it, take them all, I have had enough of this. Am I not good enough for you?’”

Kerry then called an ambulance before going to her foster parents’ home. She sat an exam at school then picked her mum up from hospital the next day.

‘I tattooed my kids’ names on my wrist to stop me following in mum’s steps’
Kerry says that although her marriage woes made her feel suicidal, she admits money worries were also a source of her pain

Kerry says that although her marriage woes made her feel suicidal, she admits money worries were also a source of her pain
Kerry said it’s her devotion to her five kids that has stopped her going through with an attempt to take her life.

She had her daughters’ names tattooed on her wrist to ensure it never happens.

“I told myself I’d have to be really selfish to cut through my kids’ names,” she told The Sun.

“I could never imagine slitting my wrists in front of my children. But I can’t blame my mum for anything.

“I just never knew any different. I do now. It was so wrong.”
‘I was so relieved when I was diagnosed with bipolar
Kerry Katona pictured with her former Atomic Kitten bandmates Natasha Hamilton and Liz McClarnon at the premier of The Beach in February 2000

Rex Features

Kerry Katona pictured with her former Atomic Kitten bandmates Natasha Hamilton and Liz McClarnon at the premier of The Beach in February 2000
When she was younger, Kerry said she had no idea about mental health, even though her mum had suffered manic depression, “which was the old name for bipolar”.

It was while she was in girl band Atomic Kitten that Kerry was diagnosed as bipolar, after showing signs of deep depression.

Why it’s up to all of us to reduce deaths by suicide

“I was feeling down and depressed and wasn’t sure about to handle things,” she said.

“I didn’t have a clue what bipolar was, I thought it was a sport or something.

“But I was so delighted that I had a name for it. I didn’t know what it was but it was OK because I knew I wasn’t crazy and there was definitely something wrong me.”

‘I realised my life had to change’
Kerry has turned her life around and now lives a fit and healthy lifestyle

Kerry has turned her life around and now lives a fit and healthy lifestyle
Kerry Katona cries as she opens up about drug demons on Loose Women

For Kerry, the turning point came when she took part in a boot camp for a magazine, while she was married to Mark.

It was in that two weeks, that she realised her life had to change.

“It was the first time I was away from Mark for two solid weeks, running, eating healthily. I came off my bipolar medication,” she said.

“I never touched cocaine ever again. That boot camp saved my life.”

She said eating well and exercise has changed her life. Three days after she got back from boot camp, she told Mark she wanted a divorce.

“I moved south and have never looked back. It felt like I was coming out of a coma, I could see so clearly.”

READ ALSO: Jose Mourinho Falls At Wembley As England Loses To Spain (Photos)

‘I still have days when I think I can’t do this anymore – but now I fight it’
Kerry is encouraging people with mental health issues to speak about them

Kerry is encouraging people with mental health issues to speak about them
Kerry knows that living with bipolar means she will never escape her feelings of depression, but said she now knows how to deal with them.

“I still suffer from depression from time to time,” she said. “I have bipolar and there are times I’ll sit in the bathroom when I think I can’t do this anymore.

“But I am a different person now. I know what my triggers are and what my tools are.”

We spoke to suicide survivors and this is what they want you to know

Kerry said she has a “hijacker” in her head.

“I call her Miss Doubt, who puts me down, who says I can’t do that, stay on the couch, watch TV all day, don’t do anything.

“I have to fight that person to get out of it.”

She said exercise is great for her mental health.

“It’s turned my life around.”

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